De night befoe cremma

Found this in the comment section of an article on unz.com (comment 14 by CelestiaQuesta, well done):

Once upon uh time, inna far away hood……

De Night Befoe Cremma

Wuz de night befoe Cremma an all ovah da hood
Er body wuz sleepin, dey wuz sleepin good
We hung up r stockin and hope like da hek
Dat ole Sanna Claw goan bring da welfare check

All de family wuz lay in dey beds
Wif Funderbert wine danc’n in dey heads
I’d passed out on de flow right next to Ma
When I hear such a fuss I tink it wuz de law

I looked frew da bars dat covered ma doe
Spectin da sheriff wif a warrant to show
And what I seen den made me say “Look at Dat”
Dey wuz a huge wallamelon pulled by sum wharf rats

All ober de worl Sanna Claw be white
But he look like us bros come dis Cremma night
Fastah dan a poleeze car da homeboy he came
He hollah at dem wharf rats, he call dem by name

On Leroy, On Roosevelt, Jonterious Lee,
On Willy and Malcolm – dats a site ta see!
He landed dat melon out dere in da street
I newz fo sure wen I smelz his feet

He didn’t come down no chimley
He picked de lock on ma doe
An I says to myself
“Sheett! He dun dis befoe!”

He hat dis big bag fulla presents I spec
Wif Air Jordans and Golt to wear ’round ma neck
But he lef no good presents, jus stoled all my shit
Got ma drugs and ma guns and ma Burglar Kit

Wif ma stuff in dat bag out da winda he flew
I woulda chaste him but he took ma knife too!
He hop in dat melon and whooped out a switch
He were gone in one second – dat fat summa bitch!

Next year I be hopin a white Sanna we get
Cuz da black Sanna Claw – he ain’t wurf a shit.

Mari Cremma eberry one

(C) CQ – da plain white rappa